A dose of Prospective

Lay in bed feeling sick with tummy cramps, feeling so sorry for myself while I'm watching an old OBEM.

Some very poorly babies on tonight, fighting to be alive and its really upset me. They are so tiny and gorgeous, their parents waiting for them to come out of the operation and actually saying to the camera about the little one dying. 

It's really floored me.

Then to top it off I read about a baby on an old babycentre thread I used to read all the time when I was pregnant, one of the little bubs is fighting for her life with meningitis. From just having a temperature and visiting the doctors, to being found slumped. Now fighting for their tiny little lives. Totally heartbreaking and I can't even comprehend how people can stay strong having a sick child.

We were so, so lucky with Freddie. He had a tough few days which could have been totally different. I can't even take in how you can be faced with having such a poorly baby. It's really hit me tonight and I don't know why.

Leaving the baby with the nurses to take over the care. Changing nappies. Feeding. Washing. Comforting in the middle of the night when you cannot be there but would do anything to be. The moms and dads want to do these new baby jobs themselves but petrified of hurting them or not being allowed to for risk of infection or making the baby too poorly.

I have often thought about working as a neonatal nurse, I did some shifts on there to help out and could see only the good side, babies being looked after and going home well.

Now, having my own child I have a totally different spin. I don't think I could have a distance between work and home as would want to help all these babies. How could I leave a shift? How could I comfort the parents of a dying premie? Give hope in the bleakest situation? See the crash teams come in? Take endless blood samples, cannulas, oxygen tubing, artificial ventilation. 

In my current job I can be human but still be a nurse, focus and care but be approachable.

I think looking after neonates I would just try and be a mom and wouldn't focus or distant myself enough. Thinking "what if" this wouldn't help anyone, especially this tiny tiny little dot of a human who is propped in a fish tank, surrounded by wires and strange people. Just wanting Mommy and daddy.

:(

Urgh.

All day today I have been..lacklustre

Totally shattered and drained even on a full nights sleep. Been such a beautiful day and I have had motivation to do anything

Currently wallowing in the bath, trying not to think if the Easter egg stash down stairs that I would love to smash into

Must be an early night on the cards. Freddie is fast asleep in dreamland and the chores can wait till tomorrow! 

Little break

The other day we went for our first family break, just a little sun holiday, we do a lot of these and enjoy them so much, this one was superb, lovely new caravan which even had central heating!

Anyway, we stayed near a little town called Filey on the Yorkshire coast, perfect for travelling to nearby Scarborough and lovely Whitby, somewhere I have always wanted to go.

Along with the travel cot, bottles, milk, food for all of us, baby walker...we took our duvet and pillows to make it more homely..

(Green dressing gown is my security blanket and I sleep with it over my face every night)

As we were in Yorkshire I wanted home comforts and to feel snug..so my first snack was tea, toast and lovely butter

Freddie slept really well in his own room in the travel cot, much to our surprise. Saturday morning he woke up with his top two teeth breaking through and so was very delicate 

Still managed breakfast though and a game of Boo with daddy! All fun and games till we went to get ready and he smashed his head off the bedside table and a black eye promptly followed!

We headed off to Scarborough for the day for crab sambos, donuts and a winning spell in the arcade for hubby, celebrated with fizz in a seafront bar 

Freddie started feeling worse for wear with his teeth so we scuttled off back "home" to get him comfy.

The next day of course was Mother's Day..we spent the day in Whitby, had cocktails, chips and just a nice family day.   As much as I loved Mother's Day growing up and getting gifts for my mom, this year, weirdly as it was my first Mother's Day, I just felt it was a bit.. commercial.. and for the day so? Maybe as Freddie gets older and can do stuff off his own back it will be different but I dunno, I didn't think I would feel like this.. I hope that doesn't sound greatful...but maybe it was too much in your face this year with Mother's Day rammed down your throat? 

Anyway. Whitby was just so lovely, we will definitely be going again and explore more of its cobbled streets and salty sea air.

I managed to find Fortunes smokery, which is nestled between some houses on a windy route up s cobbled street. Literally follow your nose and you will find it! They sell probably 5 products, kippers, pate, bacon, haddock and salmon. All smoked in house and to perfection. If you do something right why change it! Well worth the visit and great prices.

We went to a lovely sea front bar, The moon and six pence, so I could have a cocktail, choosing a butterscotch Martini with a Champagne shot. It was immense!   Creamy butterscotch flavour with a passion fruit twist. They were more than happy for us to take up room in there with Freds puschair and everyone was so relaxed, a real Sunday bar.

Back home now, back to reality, cherished these days away, just us three as soon I will be back at work and things will be changing. Times going so fast and I want to bank all the special moments. The smallest thing. Like today Freddie waved at "Stick with Mick" his fave character from baby TV, we were both speechless and so so happy, over a little wave! It's crazy.

Absolutely

Bloody knackered

So much to do..so little time

Off for a little break tomo which I have been waiting for, for weeks.. Pretty sure the car is going to be overloaded as I have packed the world and its wife (Freddies first holiday) as unlike the Maldives or Devon I can't carry him around in my baby bump! Now he comes with accessories!

Can't wait to get away and have some relaxing time just us three, no early/late work calls for Rich and Freddie has just learnt to crawl so I'm sure there's will be lots of baby/ caravan chaos 

I'm most looking forward to some cockles on the beach..and maybe a big toe dip in the North Sea 

Spring sun..

It's been lovely the past two days. Beautiful spring sun has appeared and made everything seem better! (Even after I was stressed out and sweating my face off at an NCT sale)

I even got to wear my sunglasses, much to Freddies "where has my mommy gone" hilarity!

Hoping today would be as nice. Seems a little gloomy at the moment, have eaten my breakfast outside and the birds are singing but the sun is hiding...

I wanted to get all the bed linen outside to blow in the sunny breeze but isn't looking so likely now..

Homemade gifts: Hokey pokey honeycomb!

Lots of people love honeycomb...our family used to buy it every time we went to Wells-next-the-sea in Norfolk when I was little. Seaside tradition!

My mom especially loves it as she loves a  Crunchie chocolate bar too!

It's so easy to make and great as a quick food based gift to take to a friends or family special occasion.

For a reasonable sized slab, I reduced the amounts in a Nigella Lawson method and used:

What you will need:

50g caster sugar

2 tablespoons golden syrup

1/4 tsp bicarbonate of soda

What you have to do:

Mix the sugar and syrup in a saucepan OFF THE HEAT

When combined, heat on and it will bubble and should turn a deeper golden brown colour

At this point, take off the heat and quickly stir in the bicarb. It will fizz up like a big sponge, immediately turn out onto a greased surface and leave to cool.

There you go!

Day of rest?

Eventful Sunday so far.. Our cat has just been blown off the roof and me and Freddie are snot monsters!

The cat is fine! 9 lives!